Wow. A lot has changed since the last time I posted.

The Lord has taught me so much, and blessed me in such rich ways

I now have only THREE semesters left of college. Can you believe it? I can't.
I also can't believe that I am now dating the man of my dreams. I was so sure he was going to break my heart when I had a crush on him from afar, but what a blessing he has been. But seriously, I couldn't have asked for anyone better.

And I suppose that's why I haven't updated this blog much... I have been truly living. I have been delving into summer studies, spending my time with one of the most Godly and fun men I've ever met, working, investing in relationships, being stretched, and exploring.

I wish I could transform this blog into what I want it to be, but I just may wait. I'm having too much fun LIVING and don't want to spend my time blogging. (And writing this seems so pointless since I doubt anyone reads this.)
Consider this the end of "whoah is me" posts.
Perhaps, of all posts... period.

I have so much to learn about love.

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Yes.

To My Future Husband:
You alone have the rights to my second Twix bar.

http://tomyfuturespouse.tumblr.com/

GOOD morning.

Good morning, coffee.

Good morning, Herm.

Good morning, LORD.

‎"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

Yellow Daisies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VwmcNTMcZk

Some days, I buy myself flowers. Because they're happy, and I know that no one else will buy me flowers. Even if someone else did, that would be cool... because I love flowers. Buy today I bought myself Daisies. YELLOW daisies, which I haven't had in a long, long, long time. Yellow daisies make me think of Gilmore Girls.

Dear future husband, I like flowers a lot. They're pretty. Also, I don't want to have to defend my favorite movies all the time... so when I want to watch "Little Women" or "You've Got Mail" and bawl my eyes out... just go with it. (And you don't have to watch it with me, I promise... just don't diss it.)

I pity the fool...

... that tries to mess with my (future) daughter.

To put this all in context, I was talking with one of my friends about having kids one day... and the challenges we'll face as parents. I've been studying issues teenagers struggle with (anorexia, depression, anger, teen pregnancy, ect) and I said "I pity the fool that tries to mess with my daughter!" I already think about the kids I hope to have, and pray for them. One day!!! The Lord is so good to me. I am learning to enjoy each day with him.
Today in Elisabeth Elliot's book, I read "My heart was saying 'Lord, take away this longing or give me that for which I long.' The Lord was answering 'I must teach you to long for something better.'" I feel like that's what he's teaching me. He's not taking away the desire that I have, but instead he's teaching me to strive for HIMSELF instead. I can't go a day without submitting my desires to him... it's too stressful to carry them myself.

Break.

Confession. I like chick-flicks. A lot. And, I own a lot. However, sometimes it is not healthy for me to watch them. Such as last night. Therefore, I'm watched "The Patriot." I said "Oh, surely I will not cry watching this movie!" HAHA. Wrong.

I'm enjoying my fall break right now, kicking some homework in the butt. And feeling quite productive... and feeling a little gross because I've had too much coffee... and sitting in my big comfy chair in my big plaid shirt... in a freezing room because my roomie is at work! Oh it IS a good day. And the Lord is SO good. I must admit, Elisabeth Elliot and I disagreed last night and it made me sad... and took me a while to feel justified in my own opinion because I view her as being so Biblical... and I felt like... a heathen. But I've worked past it (don't worry).

I'm working tonight, and I have so much to accomplish before then! I made a plan (because that's what I do) and I'm knocking stuff out left and right!

I have two simultaneous desires right now, and they are to drive to the mountains to see the leaves changing colors (red leaves are my favorite thing), and the other is to go to sleep early and drive to the beach to watch the sunrise. Dear Mister of my future, be prepared to be spontaneous to do these things with me, ok?

A letter.

Dear Capernwray,

I miss you. Since I've been gone for a year and a half, I feel more homesick for you than I ever did when I was there. I miss music echoing in the hall, the constant hum of conversation and laughter... the spontaneous walks, the constant encouragement and the endless supply of hugs.
I wish I could walk down the streets to Greg's... take one more train... live one more moment... there.
You'll never know how much you mean to me, or how much I miss you... EVERY... DAY... OF MY LIFE.

Deborah

I don't know how...

It seems to be the theme of my college career. "I don't know how it's going to get done... but it will somehow!"
I don't know how I'm going to keep my mouth shut...

I don't know how I'm going to stop myself from bursting with joy and excitement...

I don't know how I'm going to contain everything I'm thinking...

I don't know how I'm going to keep the tears in...

I'm not sure how these things happen... except by the grace of God.

Eradication unnecessary?

So many times, I have asked the Lord to take away a desire that I've had. This time, I've resolved to surrender it to the Lord, though it is a daily (and often hourly) surrender.
Last night, I was reading my book by Elisabeth Elliot, and she said that "if the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren't they given to us to offer? It is the control of passion, not its eradication, that is needed. How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?" Rocked my world. The feelings are not bad. The desire is not bad. When I clench it in my fist, refusing to give it to the Lord, THAT'S BAD. Bad news, bears.
I've felt the Lord pursue me, and I've enjoyed it. This weekend, I pursued HIM with all that I have... and it was so refreshing. I did little homework, but I gained a great peace.
So there we have it. I'm struggling... but I trust the Lord.

"I want to hide/ What’s deep in my eyes/ I’m scared to be known by you/ But when I turn my head/ And see you there/ I want to be pursued" -Bethany Dillon

Sick of ME.

I have officially reached the end of my rope with ME. I want a vacation... from myself... I want to stop getting stuck in the same circular thinking... I want to pursue Christ with every atom of my being... I want to avoid distractions. I want to stop pursuing my own plans because God's are "taking too long," and I want to trust His perfect timing. I know this feeling is temporary, and it is a moment of weakness and frustration. I know that the Lord is faithful, because He hasn't failed me yet. I praise the Lord for bringing me as far as He has, and believe that He will carry me where He wants me to be.

As I wait, I view my role much like Elisabeth Elliot's... "Jim's seeing his duty to protect me, and I seeing it mine to wait quietly, not to attempt to woo or entice.

I am currently treasuring the book "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. WHAT A W.O.G. (woman of God)!!!!! It is my inclination to hold onto my desires, hopes and dreams, but my longing to release them and offer them to God.

"Rid me of myself, I belong to you"

It's time to spend some serious time in prayer, journaling and reading the wisdom of WOGS before me.

It's a choice.

Happiness is a choice. Some people think that a season
of their life is bound to be better than another, but look at this chart. Life
comes in seasons... seasons are mixed with good and bad, and the key is so enjoy
where you are. This is the day that the Lord has given you... how are you
honoring Him with it? How are you bringing him glory and praise? How are you
spending the time that He's given you? The older I grow, the less content I am
with my relationship with the Lord. I want it to be deeper, stronger and closer.
I pray that my desire for Him only increases with age.

Take every thought captive.

It's harder than you may think. I think it's time for some personal word studies... on taking thoughts captive and guarding your heart.

This class (Hermenutics) is becoming useful to me.

Fall.

Pumpkin spice. Red leaves. Hoodies. Boots. Knee socks. Scarves. Cider. Tea. Nip in the air. Thanksgiving. Holidays. Long walks in the woods. Flannel.

A very short list.

Why rush?

I tend to plan things. And, because I tend to plan so much, I tend to want to make things happen... and in a very orderly fashion. Suddenly there are no "long term goals" in my mind... but instead I begin to think that I must make everything happen, and as soon as possible. I begin to figure out how to graduate earlier... how to see all the places I want to see... panic about the fact that I don't have a boyfriend... and completely forget to enjoy the moment that I have. Having goals isn't bad. Planning... isn't bad. Freaking out? That's bad. I often loose sight of God's plan for the day I'm in, because I'm focused on the 5-year plan.
I went to a wedding this morning. A very small, simple ceremony... far from over-doing it, but equally far from diminishing the magnitude of what was taking place. As I sat, watching a dear friend exchange vows, I realized that I am no where close to being ready for that. And, after feeling a little bit sad, I realized the freedom that comes along with it.
The thought of committing my life to someone sounds frightening... but because I don't have anyone that I can imagine trusting that much and being that close to.
Recently, I bought a ring. I wouldn't call it a purity ring, per-se (though I suppose in some ways that is what it is...), but serves as a daily reminder I need. It is two thin pieces of silver, with a knot in the middle. The knot is in the shape of the infinity sign, which reminds me that God's love is everlasting. The two pieces of silver remind me that by myself, I am weak... but I am joined with Christ. If you saw it, you may wonder how I glean such meaning and sentiment from such a simple ring... but it serves as a daily reminder to me that Christ is my all. I am wrapped in HIS love and nothing can separate me from Him.
Yes, I have days where I sit and watch "The Father of the Bride" and sit sobbing, even though it's ended (like today)... but I know that I am held secure in the arms of my heavenly father.
Anyway, to the original intention of this post: WHY RUSH? The Lord has me where I am for a reason. There is a reason for the season, and it is always to bring Him glory.