Life as of late.

I find it hard to be excited about going on when I want to go back...
hard to accept reality when I have such dreams...
and find myself discontent when I think I finally am.

I don't usually find myself missing places. I find myself missing people. I find myself wishing I could go back to relive certain memories with certain people. Being back home, it's been weird. Life is so normal. But so lonely. I miss the friends I made. I have so much free time now... and I feel like I have little purpose. I don't know what to do with myself. So I spend too much of my time dreaming.

Dreaming. Does any good come from wishing things were a different way? From my experience, no. Reality tends to pale in comparison to my dreams. That makes me think of God's plans for me. Does my life pale in comparison to the dreams, the hopes and plans that He has for my life? He knows the plans that He has for me. So... He'll tune me into the plans, right?

At Capernwray, I came to a place where I thought I was content with my plans for the future. But, I've gotten home and realized I don't know what to do in the meantime. Therefore, I am discontent once more. How do you become completely content? I know you can be content in the Lord... but I don't even understand that... because we're not supposed to be content with our relationship with Him just the way it is, right? We're always supposed to be striving for a deeper relationship. I am discontent with this world, for my eyes are fixed on eternity with Jesus... but yet, we're supposed to be content? I'm having a little bit of a hard time wrapping my mind around this tonight.

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
-Dr. Seuss