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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Drowned by dreams.

I am drowning in my dreams. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you’re almost drowning in misery because it’s all you can think of? It’s basically a disaster. That’s what I feel like… one big disaster. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’ve been praying about it, but I don’t feel like it’s doing anything. I feel like I’m on my own with this… especially since I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it and have them fully understand it. Therefore I am drowning in this… it’s a dream… a dream that is beautiful, but I can’t get away from it. It has swallowed me up and is slowly killing me. It started off fun… but I didn’t realize it was a toxic poison in disguise.
I know this dream has taken a bit too much space in my life because I’m actually dreaming about it at night. I dream about something (as in the traditional use of the word dream--- while I’m sleeping….), that means it’s seriously bothering me. And since I have been almost every night… that means it’s pretty serious. I know what most say when I ask them what to do, and I know that is the very thing I ought not do. I fear I will do what I don’t want to do… but fear what will happen if I don’t most of all.
This probably makes no sense. Not unless you have context, which… unfortunately, I cannot give.
How long must you be sad to be called depressed? How many tears are normal? What is the cure for this hurt?
“Sorrow comes to all… perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better and yet you are sure to be happy again.” – Abraham Lincoln

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