So much frustration.

Have you ever been sick of yourself? I have reached the point. I don't want to be around myself.
I am unmotivated, I am sick of creating perfect outfits for the perfect visit that is too perfect in my mind to ever happen, and I am annoyed by this mess in my room, and I am annoyed that I can't read faster.
ILLOGICAL.
I know.
But I have collapsed in a mess on my floor. I am eating peanut butter filled pretzels. (Yes, the peanut butter is INSIDE. It's amazing, a creamy, crunchy, salty DREAM.) I have suggestions of the perfect outfits strewn around me. I have my Theology homework staring me in the face. I have the intense desire to be caught in a giant hug by one of my best friends... but one that will never end. Has it really been two years since this began? All I want to do it talk to you! (All the time!) I am currently enduring an attack of emotion, lack of motivation, self-esteem, and possibly sleep-deprivation.
I've given up. I've given up pondering what to wear... what I hope it will be like, what I wish you would say... for right now, I have given up. I resort to sitting on my floor, answering questions for Theology.