A Reason for Joy

To clear some things up: Life in Austria… is phenomenal. I know that some of my blogs make me sound rather depressed… but I promise I’m not… I just miss some people a LOT. I am not struggling with any addictions, abuse, drugs, etc ect ect… NOW that we have all that cleared up… I shall continue.

“... and I wonder if I ever cross your mind… for me, it happens all the time.”

Secret secrets are no fun… secret secrets hurt someone.
True story. At first it’s fun to have a secret… it’s like a game… I know something that no one else does… or something that you share with a few people. Then it becomes like keeping a little bit of poison inside of you. Slowly, it begins to eat away at you… and no one can help.
You desperately want to get rid of it, but that would be just as painful… because you’d basically have to cut yourself open to do so.
So, you’re left wondering… which would be worse, and which could actually kill you. Keeping the poison inside of you and dying slowly; or ripping yourself open to get rid of it. The latter could result in too much blood loss, and prove to be counter-productive. Each option comes along with a long list of risks… but only one option leads to potential life afterwards.
I’m afraid that I have a bit of poison trapped inside of me… but instead of telling anyone about what it is, and how they can help, I’ve chosen to hold on to it… to keep it secret… and suffer. It might result in a slow death or someone may discover and save me.

“…and I can hardly speak… my heart is beating so… and anyone can tell… you think you know me well…. well, you don’t know me…”