It amazes me how easy it is to slip into old mindsets again. I have realized that it's not a one-time decision; but rather a daily effort. I daily have to hand my feelings and longings over to God. I have to put control of this situation in His hands.... I have to trust Him to do what's best for me and my heart. I allow myself to analyze everything that this person says to me. I don't want to do that. I don't want to seek out a double meaning that he doesn't mean. If he meant it that way, he'd say it.
I had such a fortress built around my heart this past week. I felt so victorious and triumphant. Then I talked to him once... and it was like the wall was made out of jello or something. I started thinking the same way again... I started to worry.
Enter chapel today. It was on worrying. I need to replace my worry, my longing, with something else... GOD. Lord, teach me to cling to you and you alone. Help me give you the praise you deserve! Thank you for having control of the future, and for forgiving the past. You are so amazing!
I have very little free time now... I have so much work to do... but I need to train myself to focus on God more than others... more than myself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l63NSwqZ2S4
"Here I Am" Shawn McDonald
I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You
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