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Sunday, July 24, 2011

New season, new goals.

When my self-esteem suffers, I remember that I am precious in God's sight. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He perceives my thoughts from afar. He knows what I've done, what I'm doing, and what I will do... and loves me anyway.

He never turns a deaf ear to my cries, and he never leaves my side.

Now that I have finished my classes, it gives me too much time to sit... and think. Stuck in a struggle of wanting and needing something to accomplish, but having trouble coming up with new goals.

I sit idly, waiting for the days to pass so that I may finally run into the embrace of my dearest friend. I sit, anxiously, as I ponder the potential awkwardness of a reunion. I sit, knowing that the Lord wants me to surrender it, and longing to... but each time resulting in crying out to God for him to take away the desires of my heart if they are not following after his plans for my life.

The Lord is so faithful. He has seen me through many a dark day, though it seems that in my darkest of moments, I am more determined to hide from him fearing his disappointment. I treasure every opportunity I have to speak to someone about Capernwray, and the healing that the Lord did in my heart while I was there. It is impossible to think about that experience without praising the Lord for his faithfulness and the way that he sustained me.

Right now, I'm reading the book Captivating. I don't know what I think about it yet... it's one of those "this is what every woman longs for" books... and I already know what I want. I have come to learn this about myself: I'm very driven. There is little that can deter me from accomplishing a goal.

I just need to make some more short-term ones.

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