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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Acceptance is just a turn away from rock bottom.

The other day, I saw the most unexpected thing in a music video... it was a break-up song, but it went through the 5 stages of grief, and stated the 5 stages. I liked it, because most songs about break-ups or other hard times focus on one stage... well... maybe I should state the 5 stages first:



  • Five Stages Of Grief
    1. Denial and Isolation. (At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer. )
    2.
    Anger. (The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.)
    3.
    Bargaining. (Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?")
    4.
    Depression. (The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.)
    5.
    Acceptance. (This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.)

(From http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-THE-3.html)

Anyway, I think that when certain things happen to us, we feel like we should be having one specific response and reaction to it. It's like we're trained to think that if we're left, we're supposed to be angry... what I loved about this video, is that it showed a healthy progression... a range of emotions, that is not only typical, but I think necessary to completely heal. I understand the songs that are written in a certain stage; I just think we need to realize that there's a long process, and that is not (and should not be) one specific reaction. It's a process; it takes time. That's something I've learned.
I feel like I have the right to write this, because I've pretty much experienced everything I just said. When I was completely depressed, I wondered "where's the anger? I thought I was suppose to be angry!" Also, you don't necessarily go straight from step 4 to step 5... I think I stayed in steps 1-4 cycling round and round for a good while.
What's the point? Life is a process. Progress is a process. And almost nothing happens overnight. The hardest thing is accepting it.


Here are the lyrics to the song, and a link to the video...
(*I did edit the lyrics but it's in the video*)

Nothing But A Miracle
by Diane Birch

Gettin tired of living
Living for a moment
Gettin tired of hanging on the line
Wake up every morning
And I pull back the curtain
Wonder if it's gonna rain or shine

Gettin tired of thinking
Gettin so tired of begging
Gettin tired of forgetting
That there's two of us
I'm getting so tired of loving a man
That just don't give a d***


Just tell me
Tell baby why I'm holding on
When your lovin's long gone
I got a good mind
So, why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye
Just tell me baby, why I've been holding on
For so long
And nothing but a miracle is gonna bring ya back
Bring ya back to me now



I gotta get myself together
Gotta stop telling myself that I can do no better
Gotta go out and maybe start meeting some new people
I gotta go out and buy myself one of those little black dresses

Cause I'm so tired of this t-shirt
I'm so tired of cryin off all my make-up
Gettin just so tired of waking up
With a lonely heart
I'm getting so tired of giving a d***
About an absent hearted man


Just tell me
Tell baby why I'm holding on
When your love is long gone
I got a good mind
So, why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye
Just tell me baby why I've been holding on
For so long
And nothin but a miracle is going to bring it back
Bring you back to me now



Oh, I can see it
(Coming down the shadows)
Coming down the shadows
I can see it
It's coming through
It's coming through the windows

Oh, I can see it
(Coming down the ceiling)
I can see it coming down the ceiling

I Can't escape it
(Can't escape the feeling)
I can't escape it
Can't escape the feeling


Tell me, yeah
Why I'm holding on
When your love is long gone
I got a good mind
So, why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye
Just tell me baby why I've been holding on
For so long
And nothing but a miracle is gonna to bring it back
Bring ya back to me now
Oh, nothing but a miracle
Is gonna bring you back to me now

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