Consider my bread van retired.

Tonight I watched the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" with a bunch of girls. At the end, many of them stated that they don't like it because the ending wasn't right. The girl didn't get what she wanted. That's exactly why I love the movie. She's a jerk. She manipulates everyone, tries to ruin their lives, and that's just not how happy endings are created. She tries to convince her best friend that he loves her. He doesn't. Not enough to desert his fiance.

At one point, the fiance (Kim) is running away. Michael goes chasing after her, and Julia (the girl who's trying to win the love of her best friend) is chasing him. In a panic (and while driving a bread van), Julia calls her best friend, George. George is trying to get a picture of what is happening... and when he does he says "Who's chasing you? NO ONE. You get the picture??"

My jaw dropped open. No one's chasing me. I blinked and tried to swallow my surprise and brush off the shock of the realization that had just hit me like a lightning bolt. This has got to stop. I've been driving a bread van myself... but no one's chasing me. Some things have to change. There are things I want to do... but I can't. One of those is purchasing a plane ticket. I can't do it. That's not guarding my heart. Have I ruined something else that's precious to me?! I feel saddened, alone, regretful, yet happy that I've finally opened my eyes. Who thought it would happen because I watched a chick flick? I certainly didn't.

"Porcelain Heart" by Barlow Girl

Broken heart one more time

Pick yourself up, why even cry

Broken pieces in your hands

Wonder how you'll make it whole

[Chorus:]

You know, you pray

This can't be the way

You cry, you say

Something's gotta change

And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart

Would sting at first then make you stronger"

You wonder why this pain remains

Were hearts made whole just to break

[Chorus]

Creator only You take brokenness

And create it into beauty once again

[Chorus]