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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Planes, Treadmills and Whales.

I beat myself up too much. I got an awesome care package from a dear friend today... it had a shirt in it... the shirt doesn't fit. It's too small. I concluded that I am obese whale.
I keep beating myself up because of this guy that I like but I'm trying not to and I don't know how to transform my thinking and it's making me miserable but I don't want to tell the whole world, though I suppose writing this is doing exactly that.
My number one insecurity; my sweaty hands. Evidently it's a disease. My hands sweat all the time. What's the big deal? So my body lets out too much water... why does it change everything about the way I act?
I'm crying out to God to help me see myself the way he sees me... as a precious, beautiful, carefully designed treasure. I'm trying to give God control of my future... and let him mend my heart. I don't know how to transform my thinking in such radical ways. I don't know the next step to take.
I know it's not on a plane.
I know it should probably be on a treadmill.
But I know one thing for sure.... I'd like to get rid of this shovel that I've been using to dig a deep, depressing hole for me to reside in. That doesn't help anyone.

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